RANT: I Wish

Just a little disclaimer before I start this post. This post isn't going to be like the fun, motivational, empowering ones I wrote before. So, if that's what you're here for, I suggest you stop reading now. It's not going to benefit you in any way. I'm simply writing this because I want to let out my thoughts in a way that I could look back at it after a couple of years and see how far I've gone or if I'm still stuck in the same sticky situation. Kind of like a diary. Also, since this is going to be a rant, I'm going to warn you now that there might be some inappropriate language thrown here and there. Okay, let's do this.

Ever since I was a little kid, I loved literature. I was a massive bookworm and even at the time that I wasn't literate enough to use a computer, I wrote my own stories. Writing became my passion. At some point, I even got commended for it at school which made me feel like my writings were special, that they could reach out to someone.

Fast forward to when I was in high school. I reached the age where adults started asking me what I wanted to take up in college. I always always told them that I wanted to take either Creative Writing, Journalism, or Mass Communications because I knew that those careers would be able to make use of my talents and I knew that I would enjoy it. Unfortunately, the universe had other plans for me. Because I lived in Qatar, there were only a few universities to choose from. Of course I chose Northwestern University, since they're known for their journalism programs. Unfortunately, since I graduated from a Philippine school, whose curricular only goes until the 10th grade, they wouldn't accept my application. So I gave up on that dream.

My closest friends told me that they were planning to go to a college here that was accepting students, even if they only finished until the 10th grade. The only drawback was that the only programs that were available at that time were Information Technology programs. Being the stupid teenager that I was, I applied because I wanted to keep up with my friends even though my heart was never in coding.

Now you have that long ass backstory, lets get to the real talk. It's been three years, I've already graduated but I'm still working on our capstone project. The past three years have been great if you look at it from the perspective of friendship and opportunities. But career-wise, I haven't had much fun at all. I still hate coding. It doesn't make me happy the slightest bit. To be completely honest, it's done me more wrong than right. It makes me ten times more stressed out, ten times more stupid, and ten times more sorry for myself. Everyday feels like a battlefield to me because of this. And I'm pretty sure that if I don't do anything about it, my life is going to be boring as f*ck.

Right now, there's really nothing I can do because the next four to five years have been laid out for me. I have no choice. I'm going to have to work my ass off in IT for a year, then move to Canada to study IT for two more years. I don't know what's going to happen after that. I'm just so sick and tired of doing something that I don't like. But that's just how life is, sometimes things don't happen the way you want them to happen. You can either live with it for the rest of your life or you could do something about it. I'm stuck in the middle and at some point in the future I'm going to have to make the decision.

If I'm reading this again after five years... Angel, I hope what you're doing right now is something that you love. I hope that you're living your life with no regrets, with no worries. I really hope that by the time you're reading this, you've found that bright light at the end of the tunnel. You deserve to be happy.

If you're reading this, Angel-five-years-from-now, I hope you still remember this song.